Too Far Gone
by oxArtemisxo
Summary: My entry to simplybarlarlar's contest! Joy has changed since she was kidnapped by the Society. She's no longer a loving, caring girl, but a harsh and judging character. What she wants more than anything is to back to being who she was, but can she? Read to find out! ONE-SHOT! Rated T for mild language and tragic occurrences.


**So, anyone who knows me knows that this is quite out of my comfort zone! I've never written anything near the tragedy genre, too depressing! And I'm definitely not a fan of Jabian. Nope, not me! So, I hope this meets everyone's expectations! Please Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own HoA, only this plot! **

_**Joy's Point of View**_

_They hate me. They all hate me. _

These were the thoughts that ran through my head every night as I cried myself to sleep. Sure, I had gotten what I wanted, but at what price? I've lost all my friends, and I have nobody to blame but myself. I can't even say it's not fair, because it is. Karma has finally caught up to me, and now I'm miserable. I now know how Nina felt when I posted that article about her, how Mara felt when she was blamed, and how everyone must of been feeling when I turned into a heartless bitch. What happened to me? Why is it that now, all I care about is making people's lives living hell?

I took a deep breath and reached for my phone. I dialed the number that I knew all too well, praying that she would pick up.

"Hello?"

"Alexa?" I asked. My voice sounded hoarse from all my crying, and it cracked on the last syllable.

"Joy? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I'm not, I-I'm just, I..." I was cut off as tears started pouring down my face, completely contradicting the words I was trying to say.

"Joy? Joy?!" I was absolutely bawling and therefore, couldn't come out with an answer. "Joy, I'm coming." she said before the line went dead. I cried even harder as I chucked my phone across the room and started banging my head against the wall.

_Stupid! You're so STUPID! _

Why had I called her? Now she's coming here, and she's going to find out about all the stuff I've done and hate me just like everyone else! Lexi's been my best friend since before I came to boarding school. We've literally been friends forever and now she's going to be just like all my other friends and leave me. I hit my head extremely hard on the wall, causing my vision to get spotty for a moment.

"Joy! Quit with the noise! I'm trying to work!" Amber yelled from the room next door. I flopped down on my bed and stuffed my face in my pillow as more sobs racked my body. I didn't care about the world, I didn't care about Amber's work, I didn't care about all the boys downstairs having the time of their lives. I just cried. Cried for myself, cried for the people whom I have inflicted pain upon, and cried just for the sake of being able to get my emotions out in privacy.

My last reason was defied as I heard a knock on the door. I briefly considered scrambling under the covers and pretending to be asleep, but cancelled it out. So instead I just lay there, tears streaming down my face, bringing my mascara with them.

"Joy?" Fabian asked, poking his head through the doorway. One would think I'd be happy, I've finally got what I've always wanted! Fabian is now my boyfriend, but it just doesn't feel right... I feel like I stole him from Nina, which I probably did, and that's not good. But that's just another horrible thing in the land of my accomplishments!

But she stole him from me first didn't she? Why shouldn't I be allowed to return the favour?

Now I was just looking for reasons as to why I'm not the horrible person that the whole house knows I am. Even Trudy has been giving me the cold shoulder! And once again, the blame all comes back to me.

"Joy, love, are you alright?" Fabian asked, sitting on the bed next to me. He started rubbing my back in a soothing motion, and my tears began to slow. Part of me wanted to give him a hug and thank him for being concerned for me, but the new more dominant part of me wanted to snap at him and ask "Do I look okay?!". The latter probably would have won had I not been so upset over the situation at hand.

"If there's something bugging you, you can tell me." he assured, putting an arm around my shoulders and pulling me up in to a sitting position. I rested my head on his chest and let out a sigh. I closed my eyes and tried to force away the memories as to how I got him, and tried to focus on the fact that I had him with me, holding me in his arms. Being with Fabian, the one boy I've ever truly loved, it felt so right, yet so wrong.

Blinking back another set of tears, I looked up at him. When he looked down I quickly pressed my lips against his, holding him there for as long as I could before my tears started to fall and I had to pull away.

He looked at me, his eyes full of concern and uncertainty. I took a deep breath and stood up.

"Fabian," I said, trying to keep my voice sounding strong, even through all the crying. His eyes locked with mine as I proceeded to say the words that I never in a million years thought I would say. "I'm breaking up with you." He looked completely shocked and taken aback. He abruptly stood up and took a step towards me, which I matched with a step backwards.

"Joy, please, I love you, don't-"

"No Fabian." I said, dangerously firm. "You don't. I know who you love and we both know it's not me. And I don't blame you! I am a horrific person; all I do is cause other people pain! I don't know what I've become, but please, don't make this harder than it has to be. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever done, but I know I have to do it. I don't want to be dating somebody who's only in the relationship because they're scared of what I would do if they weren't. That's not fair to me and it most definitely isn't fair to anybody else. I'm a downright bitch Fabian, and you deserve so much more than me." The tears didn't cease to fall, and I didn't bother to stay and talk anymore. I turned and ran out of my room and towards the stairs.

I was halfway down the stairs when I noticed that the door was slightly ajar, and Trudy was talking to a tall, thin Asian girl. After a moment, they noticed me and Alexa's eyes gave off a sympathetic gleam. Had this been any other day, I would have run straight to my friend of 15 years and engulfed her in a tight hug. But being that today was no regular day for me; I bolted down the remaining stairs and out the door, heading for the woods.

I ran until I was so deep in the trees that I couldn't even tell which way the house was. I fell to my knees and gripped the forest floor, damp from an earlier rain shower. I didn't want to cry, to be so weak and fragile. I wanted to be a strong, independent woman that stood up for what she believed in! But look where that's gotten me... No friends, no boyfriend, no respect, and no happiness. On my quest to become stronger, I've turned myself into a raging tornado, ripping apart every person that crosses my path. I'd give anything to go back to being who I was before I was taken by the society. But that Joy was too far gone and she was never coming back no matter how much I wanted her to.

"Joy!" A faint voice called, far to my right. "Joy!" It called again, getting stronger. I braced myself, ready for someone to break through the trees and see me, but they must have turned because when it called for the third time it sounded far away again.

Alexa was probably extremely worried about me; she's never seen me this upset. Then again, everybody's probably told her all the awful things I've done by now, and she won't care anymore. I'm officially all alone, and I'm hating every minute of it.

I took a deep breath and tried to put a stop to my tears, but they just kept flowing. I gave up and rather just observed my surroundings. I had run so far and so fast, paying no attention to where I was going. Now, looking around, I realised that I was in a large clearing. To my right was a bunch of trees, but to my left was a huge pond that looked as though it just hopped out of the pages of a storybook. It was beautiful, and all its beauty reminded me of my lack of it.

I sat there taking shaky breaths as I listened for the voice. Something about hearing somebody call for me shed a small amount of hope that someone could care. That maybe somebody didn't think I was all bad. But for the amount of time I sat there, I didn't hear my name once.

Giving up, I stood and walked over to the pond. I peered into the icy depths of its centre, before walking forward towards the water.

_Nobody cares. Everyone hates you. You're a heartless bitch. All you do is cause people pain. Nobody wants you around. You deserve to die. _

I listened as my thoughts bounced around in my head. Finally, they had taken their toll and I walked into the water, never to come out.


End file.
